When Your Cat Doesn’t Like Your Date
When your cat doesn’t warm up to your new significant other, it can feel like you’re stuck in a standoff. But don’t worry, you probably don’t have to pick sides. We can’t help if your friends and family are raising eyebrows at your new partner, but we’ve got you covered with some tips if your cat doesn’t like your new date immediately.
Let that scent linger
Cats are creatures of habit, and any new person in the environment can be an unwelcome disruption, especially if yours isn’t used to frequent visitors or overnight guests. Start by letting your cat get used to your special friend’s scent. Place something that smells like them—a sweatshirt, a scarf, or even a pillowcase—in a spot your cat enjoys, like her favorite chair or near her bed. This will allow her to sniff, investigate, and get accustomed to the new scent without feeling threatened and will help your new partner’s scent become a more permanent part of the house instead of a random intrusion when they show up. Pairing the scent with treats or a sprinkling of catnip can also help create positive associations.
Out-aloof your cat
When your partner visits, keep things low-key. Cats thrive in calm environments, and a loud, overly enthusiastic approach can send Mittens darting under the couch or out of the room. Encourage your date to ignore your cat at first—no direct eye contact, no chasing, and definitely no unsolicited petting. Cats often warm up faster to people who respect their space and let them make the first move.
If your cat decides to investigate, make sure your partner knows how to handle the moment. Slow movements, a soft voice, and offering a hand for a sniff can go a long way. Treats are a universal language for most cats, so keep a stash handy and let your partner be the one to offer them. It’s a small gesture that can earn major points with your feline friend.
Cats also value routine, so try to minimize disruptions to their schedule as much as you comfortably can. If your partner’s presence means you’re staying up later, sleeping in, or skipping playtime, your cat might blame the newcomer for these changes. Keep up with their regular feeding times, play sessions, and cuddle routines to reassure them that their needs are still your priority. No one likes to feel replaced. In essence, the overall goal here is to act like nothing has changed in the home, as if your new date isn’t even there.
When your cat does show more signs of interest or general curiosity, suggest engaging in interactive play, but only if your partner is genuinely interested in bonding with your kitty (as if anyone you’d bring home wouldn’t be). Toys like feather wands or laser pointers can provide a fun, non-intimidating way to build trust. Playing together allows your cat to associate your partner with something enjoyable, which can help melt even the iciest feline reserve.
Damage control
If Fluffy remains wary, consider limiting to short, positive bursts for a while. Instead of having your partner over for hours on end, start with brief visits. During these encounters, let your cat observe from a safe distance. Over time, your cat may start to realize that this new human isn’t a threat.
Strategic use of your home’s layout can also help. If your kitty has a favorite perch at the top of a tall cat tree or a high spot where she feels secure, make sure it’s accessible when your new date is around. Cats like to have an escape route and a vantage point to observe what’s happening without feeling cornered. The more in control he feels, the more likely he is to relax.
For particularly stubborn cases, pheromone diffusers might be a useful tool. These products mimic the natural calming pheromones cats release, helping to reduce anxiety. Placing one in the room where your partner typically hangs out may create a more soothing environment for your cat.
Keep calm and carry on
Patience is your greatest ally in this process. Cats operate on their own timelines; some need weeks—or even months—to feel comfortable around someone new. Try not to rush things or force interactions, as this is likely to backfire and just deepen your cat’s distrust. Don’t scold your cat for running away or increase your volume when something goes against plan. Even a high pitch “oh no!” and a laugh when kitty runs away can be perceived as danger by your cat—a level volume and even keel are key for skittish furballs. Keep your voice calm and soothing throughout your new partner’s visits no matter what’s happening, so they become associated with a happy home life, not discomfort or potential danger.
Remember to celebrate small wins. If your cat starts sitting a little closer to your partner or stops bolting out of the room every time they enter, acknowledge these steps forward. And don’t forget that positive reinforcement isn’t just for your cat—it’s for you and your partner, too. If either of you starts getting frustrated, your cat will sense the tension when your partner visits and you may never get that harmony you’re looking for.